Yes I really do. Heaps been happening. My internet connection is intermittent right now, so not on much.

Work has been annoying the hell out of me about my pregnancy, but I really could not care less. I had a dentist appointment for tomorrow and they almost would not let me go. I merely waved the appointment slip at them and waited for it to sink in. I was not asking for permission to go, I was going and they would accommodate me. I did not even have to argue in the end. 10 minutes later I had what I wanted. I’ve become such a bitch since getting with child. A few months ago I would have just accepted I could not go.

Your teeth can suffer during pregnancy, so much so that expectant mothers in the UK get free dental treatment. I am not missing an appointment with my dentist. I will not even be teaching at that time! Point is both of my bosses are women who have never had children, so are not sympathetic. However, they have no option; law says that if they make things difficult for me I could sue their arses off.

Things are unravelling a bit on my little island. The credit crunch has hit the area hard and the budget for all the schools in the region has been halved. No new books for me for another year then. *sigh* Strike action is being threatened. Also, schools are closing because of the swine flu pandemic. Not mine yet and I’ve not caught it, but we have had cases. If it gets much worse we may close for a week. Fine by me, I could do with an extra paid week of holiday.

On the upside I’ve just had a tax rebate, thank you Inland Revenue! Also I am moving house in 2 weeks... we need the extra room for the wee one.

Sprog is fine, saw a little fish thing moving on the last scan. My belly seems to have ballooned over this last week, I now officially have a bump. I keep putting my hand on it! I’m such a sap. Sickness has eased off too, a little heart burn every now and again, oh, and I am still bone tired. Got 14 hours sleep yesterday, and still woke tired. Must be making something vital. Odd thing also, my strawberry blonde locks are going light blonde. Sprog is sucking the ginger out of me! *cries*

I have also been suffering the phenomenon I have dubbed Mumneasia. I am forgetting so much! I am such an organised person normally, now I blunder through the day in a mild state of confusion. Its more than annoying, Sprog’s name is mud at such moments.

Just been shopping for maternity clothes, jeans now really tight. Don’t know whether to be excited or depressed. That’s another thing, mood swings. I never have known rage like it. The smallest thing can set me off. There is no point telling me I am being unreasonable, I know I am, but pointing out makes it worse. As Hubbie has discovered.

I really can’t wait till I get to my second trimester. I will be fat but get my sanity back.        

Well, I went to the hospital today. It was my pre op check. I was due to have cameras shoved in my stomach next week. They wanted to check my daft reproductive system and see why it was acting up. I have very irregular and painful periods so the medical powers that be were convinced that the medication that I had taken to stabilise my breathing had killed my reproductive system.

Joy

They were murmuring about possibly having to remove my ovaries.

More Joy.

So there I sat answering stupid questions, all the while wanting to be as far away from the place as possible.

“Have you ever taken recreational drugs?” asked the kind nurse.

“No, but I’m considering starting...” I was not in the best of moods. I hate hospitals!

“Been in hospital in the last 6 months?”

“Yes”

“Do you smoke?”

“No,”

“Have you ever smoked?”

“Only when my brother burned my hair.”

Then I had to step on the scales. Not as bad as it could have been, but I was still not happy. Blood pressure, normal.

I was then asked to pee in a cup. I suffered the indignity with a sigh. I had to go back to the mainland and teach in the afternoon after all this. I was exhausted already.

Urine supplied, I shuffled out the bathroom and was met by a gloriously thin, young, blond junior doctor.  She introduced herself, looked over my notes and announced she needed to take blood.

I had anticipated this and worn short sleeves. I presented my arm and waited to get jabbed. She was very good actually. I have had many blood tests over the years and she found the vein first time and it hardly hurt.

While she was siphoning off bodily fluids my consultant breezed in, as did the nurse I had seen earlier and a gaggle of other nurses.

“Well,” said the consultant. “It appears we have to cancel your operation next week.”

“Oh,” I muttered. More concerned with the needle in my arm than the news my trip out today was pointless.

“Yes,” he replied. “You don’t need it.”

The nurse held something white and rectangular up before my eyes.

It was a pregnancy test.

“You’re pregnant!” She squeaked.

I blinked and the smiling faces in the room.

“Beg your pardon?” I asked, in my most polite tone. Guess the brit in me really comes out when I am in shock.

“You’re pregnant!” the consultant confirmed.

The needle in my arm was pulled out as my jaw dropped. I literally gaped at them.

My hand slapped over my open mouth and I surprised myself by dissolving into impassioned sobs. I cried like I had not cried before in front of strangers since I was about 6. I had no idea why I was crying! I did not feel any different! I was getting huged by nurses, the consultant, the pretty doctor... They were all congratulating me. I Realised I was thanking them all, why I don’t know, it was not as if they had much to do with this! But I did it anyway.

I pulled myself together. I did not feel pregnant and I really did not believe it with most of my brain, I had been told I would never conceive naturally... But I decided I may as well accept the situation and sort my life out. If I was going to be a Mum my priorities had to shift. There are advantages to having been born into a military family. I dried my eyes, left and decided I had to tell people first.

Hour later my husband, who was in Stirling, had been told and was in as much shock as I was, but he was absolutely thrilled at the same time... My mother had been told and had probably told half of Wales and my mother in law knew; who could not quite believe it.

I fixed my game face on and struggled through an afternoon of teaching. My boss ran past me in the corridor and told me I had to have an “attendance” review. In other words, a dig around my sickness records designed to make me feel guilty and worthless. I actually smiled to myself. Wait till I tell her I’m pregnant! Then the shit will really hit the fan. Luckily there are lots of lovely EU laws protecting me. They can’t fire me for having a baby and they can’t pressurise me over getting sick ;-) The bump is already paying off. You can’t be mean to a Mum to be!

Will let you know how that goes.

So, still utterly in shock, and not really believing all this yet... I could be 3 months along already! Ah well, that’s 6 months to get things in order. Let the games begin!  

LMAO! Haha you made me giggle this morning. So much so I am going to grace you with a reply, something I have not done in years. If you don't like long fanfiction then why on earth are you bothering to read mine? Forgive me but your "review" just makes you sound grumpy and irritable. Did you get out of the wrong side of bed this morning? If not why write something to clearly intended to offend and that really has nothing useful to say? Are you honestly telling me that character development is bad? That's priceless!

Yes the story may be pointless, but it’s something I write for my enjoyment and share on FF.net hoping others will too. As I still have people reading my work 4 years down the line I'd say it’s a given that the majority of my readers disagree with your point of view.

One could also say your review is pointless. If brevity is what you seek then stick with PWP or drabbles. I'm sure they will suit your attention span more adequately. Thank you for taking the time to review but consider your words next time, you really do sound childish and I have never laughed so hard over a review in all the years I have been writing. Guess I should thank you for that, I was not in the best of moods this morning, but your petty words had me sniggering over my coffee.

Lighten up babe, life's too short to be attacking people for no good reason. You don't like then don't read, it’s not a complex principle.

Oh, and if I am so bad why are you checking back on my work after admitting being away from fanfiction for some time? Must have done something right to stay in your memory ;-)

Bye!

 

Ok, had a manic writing period over the last few days, I love holidays! Ok it’s a bit sad that at the time of the year when I really have nothing to do I spend my days chained to the computer writing. What can I say, it’s an obsession.

After months of virtual abandonment I finally sat down before the computer and opened the Indebted file. Would I still be able to write it? Would I want to? I grabbed my plan for the remainder of part 7 and read through the entire part so far... then started typing...

6 hours later my rear was numb and my head was swimming. Yep, this bloody story still has the power to eat my brain whole. Husband was actually worried about me; he said I was very quiet, which for me is apparently unusual. I went to bed, slept for 10 hours, woke up, ate, and started writing again. Finished the section I wanted to and then backed away from the insane story.

Screw you Kevin! I need to have a day off! So I transcribed some resilience and played on my husband’s DS for a while. Harvest moon rocks btw, who would have thought a farming sim could be so addictive?

Was talking to the mighty Daishar on MSN a little later... mentioned my recent manic writing period. She asked how long Indebted was now... I realised I had no idea I gave up counting pages years ago. So I did a little digging. Using the FF backup system I pasted the stories in their entirety into word and came up with some figures. The results truly made my jaw drop.

Courage of the Spirit-  123,371 words 229 pages... Ok I knew it was over 100,000 words but the total in pages just brought it home to me that I had, in effect, written a novel.

Enchantment of the Heart- 73,611 words 123 pages- Not bad for something that was supposed to be an epilogue... Guess I can’t write short stories.

Resilience of the Soul (what I have posted to date) - 181,583 words 288 pages. Sooooo, another novel, and it’s not finished!

And finally, to top it all... Indebted (what I have posted to date) – 424,043 words 735 pages-

*faint*

THAT’S INSANE!!!!! I had to check it twice- but that is not all! I looked at the part 7 document I was still typing. I deleted the bits of part 7 that had already been posted and that left me with... 52,405 words 107 pages... Bringing Indebted to... *grabs a calculator* 476,448 words 842 pages.

*Velf’s brain falls out her ear* Ok, just to make myself feel really strange... a running total...

Velf has written to date... 855,013 words 1482 pages.

0_0

Is it ok to call myself a writer now? Even if I don’t get paid for it?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.

NO CHEATING- Let’s face it, no one can have a collection of music more embarrassing than mine! I did laugh at a few of these.

Opening Credits:
Your town- deacon blue- ooo very atmospheric!

Waking Up:
The ballard of peter pumpkin head- Crash test dummies- Yes that would wake me up!

First Day At School:
The phantom of the opera overture- HAHA! Yeah that fits!

Falling In Love:
Sitting on the dock of the bay- Otis Reading.- Well, not a happy song but sorta fits.  

Fight Song:
Animal Nitrate- suede – YEAH BABY, BRING IT ON!

Breaking Up:
The best of you- fu fighters- wow, that so fits! Awesome song too! Everyone seen the AMV to this tune? Youtube it, best one on there.  

Prom:
Fruits basket opening- LOL, well perhaps more apt than you think. Went to an all girl convent, there was no prom!

Life:
Sora- Yoko Kanno- yes, a song from the anime film escaflowne, sung in ancient Romanian. Does this reflect how mixed up my life is? Its such a sad song! Not me at all I think but I refuse to cheat!  

Mental Breakdown:
Orinoco flow- Enya -LMAO!

Driving:
Sleepwalker- Nightwish- If I had a car this would be on my driving playlist.

Flashback:
Frigile- sting- Why all the moany songs? An 80s power Ballard would have been soooo much better here.

Wedding:
Basket case- green day- LMAO!!! Sorry hubbie, but you must have been one to marry me.

Birth Of Child:
When you were young-  killers- lets hope my offspring plays this on guitar hero better than i can!

Final Battle:
Sorry- Madonna – but will i be really?

Death Scene:
Forever autumn- Justin Hayward- I could die to that.

Funeral Song:
Fields of gold- sting- YES! None of this I want a happy funeral crap for me! I want them all to be sobbing, this one is even more poignant as it was the first dance at my wedding.

End Credits:
Against all odd- Phil Collins- ah one of my favs... good ending. 

So, spring has sprung early. It has improved my mood no end, I was getting so sick of grey skies and grey sea. High pressure dominating over western Scotland for once! Scottish people go a bit nuts in good weather. Sorry but wearing shorts in March is just wrong! It may be 15 degrees but it could be snowing next week! At the moment however, the air is warm the birds are building nests and all the spring flowers have suddenly appeared from nowhere. I love daffodils, they have such friendly faces! 

Taken last month on walk home, note the snow!



A bit left of last photo, heat haze and sunshine in March?

No news on my operation as yet... its kinda been pushed to the back of my mind by my manic work rate. It has paid off however; I have finished the course with all the kids that are due to take exams in 2 months so it is just pure revision with them from now on! That makes me happy! Still concerned with my advanced students, they still seem a little blasé about the whole exam thing, even though if they flunk they won’t get into their choice of university.

Writing wise, I have updated indebted recently and hope to update resil in about 3 weeks. I actually have written entire note books of resil now; I just have to find the time to transcribe. I am on the final misfortune to befall our questers before Kenshin gets his grubby claws on them. J I should be finished the story by the summer.  Its only taken me 5 years!

So what after this? Well, finish the monster indebted of course, and then work on my own story which Kevin has been nagging me about for 12 months. I’d like to have at least have it all plotted out before I hit 30. You never know, my 30’s may be the decade I become a proper writer! I certainly feel I’ve grown into the mind set of one. Both writing fanfiction and being a teacher have taught me much about myself and the world in general.

Not scared at the prospect of being 30, it sounds old but it’s not really, I’m not even up to a third of the average life expectancy.  I just thought I would have matured mentally by now, but I haven’t. I think I may as well give up on being a responsible member of the human race and stick to being the ditsy, manic and geeky woman I’ve grown into. There are many things I want to do still, including possibly emigrating to another country. I thrive on change I think, I can’t help it! My childhood was so chaotic that I get bored and a bit depressed if I don’t have a bit of disruption in my everyday routine. But that’s just me, I can’t help being like this, believe me I’ve tried to change!

Looking forward to going to Iceland in the summer, that will kill my wonder lust for at least 6 months. ;-p It’s been a year since I was in Japan, that trip still has an effect on me. The cherry blossom came into bloom this week on the trees in the town. I nearly burst into tears! I still remember smelling the scent of blossom at 6am as the sun rose over Aso-san. I have to go back before I hit 40.

Quality sux but it was taken on my old phone.

Btw, the icon is fanart! Ain’t it cool? Go to ~i-am-lalotte001’s profile to see who made it

Ok off to review some anime on the velf forum. Byeeeeeee. 

Today I had a really strong urge to put pen to paper and start writing... but I resisted.

a- I did not have enough time, house work and school work had to come first...

b- It’s become clear that this story is going to cover more than one book and I have no idea where it is going after book 1. Not a good thing!

c- The idea is weird. Told a few people the basic outline and they look at me funny.

d- I have other story commitments... I want to finish them first.

Not sure if I am just making excuses however, maybe I’m just scared to start something of my own? What if its rubbish? What if i don’t finish it? But Kevin is getting louder... maybe I should give in? I don’t know, it’s hard to juggle my commitments now let alone a whole new story.  

Yes I know it is winter, yes i know I have lived through much worse... its not like we get tropical storms in this part of the world. However I would like to implore the Scottish weather to bloody well cheer up! Cold I can handle, rain I can handle, I am welsh after all! Wind I actually quite like, even when it almost knocks me over and traps me on my little island because the ferries don’t run... its not like i do much but mark and sleep on the weekends at the moment...

All i want is to see the sky a little more often! With the sky grey and the sea grey and the ground and trees a drab brown i think my ability to see colour might atrophie and I’ll only see in greyscale come the spring. Bloody hell it is depressing! With it still getting dark at 4pm and the sun not bothering to get up till 8.30 am I am convinced I am suffering from SAD. Also I am working like a dog... extra classes on my timetable, means more prep work at home and more marking, I have bearly caught up on the stuff i left unfinished when I was in hospital last.

Severe weather waning today, the tv signal is down and I’m betting there will be a power cut at some point. Winds are up to 50mph and due to reach 90mph. She sea was lashing the coast while it was light... its probably pounding the sea wall right now. No bother to me I live on a hill and in a top floor flat at that. I’m prepared for a power cut, plenty of candles in the cupbored and my hob and central heating run off natural gas. We will have warmth, light and food... i used to love power cuts as a child. Was the only time I think my family actually properly talked to each other... sad but true.

So i am going to hit a bottle of wine and hope the power stays on. My net addiction cannot be fed without electricity!

In other Velf news the latest SA chap is done and with Dimac and I am preparing the next indebted one for betaing. Also my health problems may actually be close to being  fixed 2009 is looking better than 2008 already.     

Ok, in case you do not know, I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I am not religious in the conventional sense; indeed, I am what Dimac terms a “recovering catholic” just like she is. It’s not that I have any problem with Catholics in general, it’s just I felt the blind faith thing stifling growing up. I have a logical, analytical mind and Catholicism just had too much “Believe this cos’ a man in robes says it’s so... if you question it you will go to hell...” in it. My spirituality is something private that I practice alone and would never dream of pushing on anyone. But this is not a babble about my faith, it’s about my favourite time of year. The reason I mention my faith is that it has an impact on me this time of year. I am not celebrating the “birth” of what I consider was a man with a lot of good sense whose teachings have been historically drastically misused... Let’s face it, he was not born on Christmas day... Christmas is far far older.

You can feel it, it’s not wholly a religious festival, it’s a festival of hope... once it was the hope that the warm days would return and people would be able to feed themselves... greenery was taken into homes on the shortest day as a kind of sympathetic magic, wanting to help and shelter that which was still living in the cold, thus bringing all back to life. Now with our scientific methods and knowledge we know the sunny days will return (though this is debatable in Scotland.) Yet we still bring greenery into our homes to brighten them in the dark days of mid-winter... or in my case a false Christmas tree, place too small for a real one ;-) So this message of hope has shifted over the centuries, the big JC aside, I’m all for the peace and good will to all men thing... its today’s hope... that the human race might one day get its act together and stop hurting itself. To me this idea is illogical and overly altruistic, but I REALLY DON’T CARE! I’m totally in love with the idea! It’s not that I believe it will happen it’s the fact that it represents the best of intentions... that in coming together this time of year we try to create our own little bit of peace and goodwill. I should be cynical, normally I would be, but ever since I was tiny I have always been swept away by the magic of Christmas, new year is meh, Christmas is IT! Hence, I turn into a total goodwill machine for a week or two. Cos’ I have to share the Christmas love.

My husband despairs at me, it was a very big shock when he first spent a Christmas at his then intendeds house. Whole family woken by myself at 6am when the present opening began... after that chaos ensured until I slept off my dinner, when I woke more chaos.... I think he seriously reconsidered our engagement that day! Now I am married I’ve had to make a few compromises for my husband’s sanity, but not too many. Now my roll has changed however, I am no longer a reveller, I am a Christmas facilitator. Invitations to Velf’s Christmas experience were given out in October, (we have a spare room so feel it must be filled this time of year.) Dimac, my glorious beta was first to bite my hand off, having once travelled to Shetland to get what turned out to be a white Christmas with us; she knew the Velf Christmas and obviously wanted more. Another was Davy boy- computer software programmer uni pal whose family had no room at their inn this year. So with full flat (Davy boy was going to sleep on our sofa) Velf went into PLAN MODE. Screw the credit crunch, this was Christmas! There would be goodwill in my flat!

Also stated saving... it was going to cost a pretty penny, I knew that. So xmas shopping was done via ebay... i was worshipping that site by the end of November. About a week before the event, panicking slightly as I had lost 2 weeks of Christmas planning to illness (see pervious post) I sent out a menu to my guests. Ham this year, Davy boy was not a bird fan. Never cooked it before but having hit videojug with a vengeance I was confident I would not bugger it up.

So the Sunday before I went to visit in-laws. My mother in law is a minister for the Church of Scotland and a damn good one I might add. We get on really well and she contributes an essential item to the Velf Christmas. The stocking. This stocking is handmade, bright red, as long as my leg and so wide I can wear it as a hat once I have emptied it. She individually wraps her stocking fillers so it takes at least 30 minutes to get through the stocking. So full of wine, gossip and goodwill I spent the night and was picked up by Davy Boy in the morning, who fantastically has his own large car. Loaded up stockings etc and Dimac arrived loaded down with her Christmas goodwill, so much of it in fact she had to get a lift to the Manse (google it) from my farther in law as she could not carry it on the train. Davy boy had also brought his Playstation 3 with wireless guitar for guitar heroes.

Full of excitement we hit the road intending to go to the huge supermarket not far from the Manse. When we got there we realised half of western Scotland was already there. I suddenly doubted my ability to get all the items on my 3 page list. We chickened out and a U turn later we were heading for the coast... where we would pass another stupidly huge supermarket in an hour or so.

There were far less people at this one... which suited me fine as large crowds freak me out a little. Grabbed the biggest trolley I could find and started working through my list. Dimac and Davy boy were in awe at the size of list. I sent them scurrying off into the gargantuan supermarket for various things and lost them at least twice. Normally I hate shopping but this was Christmas shopping, requiring laughing and joking and winding up Dimac slightly because she is a total perfectionist and food health freak. I see sell by dates as  guide not a cut off point... if it smells fresh I will eat it... suppose it is the ex farm girl in me, no sell by dates on stuff that came out our cow and field... anyway... shopping came to just under £200... Dimac nearly fainted though I pointed out this was all planned for I don’t think she believed me. With the meat already ordered from the butcher on my island I know I would actually come under my budget of £300.

So to my island we headed, the car was actually groaning whenever the brakes were applied which made its owner laugh and Dimac worry.

So we returned, we had to created a small relay course to get all the stuff up to my top floor flat, my husband was just back from work and already giving me “that “ look, the look that tells me that I am being excessive. I poked my tongue out at him. Our finances our entirely our own affairs. We have always had separate accounts as we both work, I knew I could afford it, after all I was the money savvy one. So it took nearly an hour to find space for everything. During which time I realised that the “Christmas box” had also been put on the shelves by my husband. I.e. the odd bits we had been buying for Christmas since October... my shelves were groaning with food and I was feeling very smug. It was going to be a fantastic Christmas. Then I collapsed in an exhausted heap.

Hubbie and Davy boy embarked on a marathon of PS 3 playing for the next 2 days. I think my husband misses male company at times... after all most of his pals live on the mainland. I was happily chatting to Dimac while she plated her DS on the sofa... and embarked on my baking... cup cakes a Victoria sponge and biscuits... until I realised we had enough biscuits to keep us going till new year, so I froze the dough I had made. Curse the Christmas box!

I was roped into playing guitar hearos and realised I totally and utterly sucked at it. Being dyslexic I have 0 hand to eye coordination and could not even get through the easiest song. Feeling distinctly unchristmassy and resenting the pitying glances of my husband and friends I returned to Christmas preparation. Dimac offered her help, but I did not want it, this was something I knew I could do well! It’s odd that after all this time living with my odd head it still finds new ways to trip me up and feel like crap... yes I know it was only a game, but just the feeling of my clumsy fingers and aching head that could not cope with what was going on almost made me dissolve into tears. I hate failing at anything, mainly because once I really felt as if I failed at everything! Yep, I have issues... many of them.

So prep done I collapsed into a pathetic heap.

Christmas eve dawned and it was grey and around 10 degrees C, unseasonably warm! I had to turn the heating down... no snow this year. The grey moody sea was looking glass still... I also had to go to the dentist, it was Christmas eve! I should not have to do mundane things! Dentist was quick and the nurse was full of Christmas cheer, her Santa hat complementing her uniform nicely. Then we hit the beach, yes, the beach, in December. The little cafe was open so we stuffed our faces on fatty food. Husband and Dimac were not enamoured with the idea of a beach walk but Davy Boy come to my rescue saying he would love one... which meant the other 2 looked like ninnies and had to come along. Of course I was the only one who rolled up my jeans and took off my boots. Yes I waded out into the grey icy water, and felt remarkably good about it, the water must have been 3 degrees and the sea gulls were giving me odd looks. But I did not care! I was having fun!

After that we returned to the flat and we watched the snowman for the millionth time, yes it made me cry... again. Then Davy boy and Hubbie hit the beer... alcohol and my husband do not mix well and in a few hours he was vomiting his dinner into the toilet, I had 0 sympathy with him and Davy boy was laughing at my antics as I proceeded to brow beat my husband, not that he remembered most of it. I toyed with the idea of getting up evilly early to spite him, but it was Christmas, season of goodwill to all men, even husbands who hardly ever drink... who then down 6 bottles of European larger.

Christmas day was grey and I restrained myself till 8.30am. I could not wait any longer and began the distribution of stockings, everyone had one. So once the unwrapping of stockings had begun the flat woke up. Dimac and I compared stockings on the kitchen table while the boys unwrapped theirs on the sofa.  Best thing in my stocking was my fluffy comedy pen... got to take that to school.

Then we started on the main presents. Highlights, sake set from Dimac, with sake, a lovely fountain pen from Davy boy and a new computer chair from my loving husband... shiny silver and black, very professional looking! Just what a writer/teacher needs. Lots of chocolate and a “insulting parrot” from my loving brother. I can barely dare to turn it on it screams obscenities so loud it hurts my ears. Still, it made me laugh.

I started Christmas breakfast... butter, jam, coffee and croissants... family tradition is to have one small present in reserve to open over Christmas breakfast. Dimac and Davy boy had chocolate, Husband had a Nintendo DS and accessories... bought for him by me and Dimac. He did not know what to say! LOL. Was an excellent Christmas moment.

So having eaten I took out my Christmas lunch battle plan... 3 hours all itemised, what was cooked when and how long it should take.

I attacked!

It all came together! None of it turned out vile at all. I lined the food up on the counter and my guests eyes grew round. Finally it was all ready... Cider boiled and honey baked ham... with... steamed veg... roasted parsnips and potatoes... pigs in blankets... stuffing balls... Yorkshire puddings... bread sauce... port gravy... apple sauce and cranberry sauce.

Needless to say we could not eat it all... in fact there was so much we abandoned plans for my Christmas buffet and moved it to boxing day. We did not even have room for pud, the Christmas pudding is still to this day sitting in my cupboard, will eat it today I think...

We embarked on a game of trivial pursuit, which lasted until 1am... How I won I have no idea, but I was so tired I was completely underwhelmed. I went to bed. My kitchen was a mess, my bedroom had paper, presents and laundry scattered around it. My hair smelt of ham. I did not care... it had all been worth it... I had had a fantastic Christmas.

We have not had a proper meal since Christmas day... we have subsisted on the huge amount of leftovers. Dimac and hubbie are playing MarioCart on their DS’s racing each other... in while in PJ’s and snuggled up in my bed together. I am writing his under a duvet on the sofa, also in my PJ’s. I’m about half way through tidying up, I’ve eaten a pomegranate, 2 crumpets and some bitter chocolate so far... I will need to diet in the New Year! But it’s been worth it. For a few days there was peace and goodwill to all men in my flat and a large part of creating that atmosphere was down to me and my total love for this time of year.

Hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and that Santa was good to you. All the best for 2009!

*HUG*

Don’t get me wrong, I love the NHS. I think it is one of the few things that still lets us put the “great” before the Britain. Everyone pays for it with their taxes and everyone gets treated, for free... the only thing you do pay for is your prescriptions and that is just over £6 an item, free in some cases like my husband’s epilepsy medication and the contraceptive pill. There are certain medications that the NHS cannot afford, and this is a matter for debate, but on the whole it is a fantastic pubic owned institution that treats everyone equally.

I am one of its biggest advocates, as you can tell. Though I am a big hypocrite. I hate doctors and i hate hospitals. It’s nothing personal, I just have raging white coat syndrome. I see these people with all their knowledge and power over life and death and I just quail before them. I am an intelligent adult woman, who is not ignorant of the human body and its workings, but I still have problems disagreeing with a doctor.

Now, as you who read me regularly know I am asthmatic. Badly asthmatic. Now I have had a cough for roughly 3 weeks and not thought much of it, I went to a doctor last month and had it treated, I just thought it was hanging on a bit. But I found my voice cracking and wobbling while I was trying to teach and I was getting uncomfortably hot while my class was complaining they were cold. I went to another doctor who put it down to a cold and “stress.” Ordered me to take a week off and then go back. I duly did, while grumbling.

Week later I was still having problems so booked an appointment for the end of the week with another doctor, a woman this time. I worked myself up to give her a “piece of my mind.” Why was I not better? Why was no one realising that these repeated infections were ruining my career and my health? Why had I not seen a specialist since moving to this island? I had numerous appointments with various consultants when I was living in Glasgow and was being carefully investigated. Now I barely saw the same doctor twice and most of them did not seem to care that the treatment they prescribed I had used many times and not got better. As my husband put it, “they are putting buckets under the leaks but not fixing the roof.” So, I left school early on the Friday and marched to the doctors surgery again, feeling nervous but determined, I even had a list of complaints on a bit of paper so I did not lose my nerve.

The lady doctor was nice and sat me down; I first described my immediate symptoms. She listened to my chest, and went a little pale. She was horrified I was working with my chest in the condition it was. She wanted me to take another week off work to heal, I refuses saying I was ok but I’d like to get my lungs fixed. She duly handed over a prescription for antibiotics, and then referred me to a specialist when I asked, progress! She also said she thought I might have had infected lungs for over 3 months! The infection that put me in hospital in the summer may have never cleared up properly. When I think of all the doctors I’ve seen since then.... Makes my blood boil! Surly one of them should have spotted it!

Went home, got worse over the weekend. Was back to see her Monday, sheepishly admitting she had been right, I did need more time off. She smiled and signed the paperwork so my employers did not try to fire me for taking large amounts of sick leave. She also gave me some steroids to settle my chest down while it healed. Thursday I was back again, no improvement. She changed my antibiotic to industrial strength and signed me off for the following week, warning me to stay out of the cold air and to rest. Still worried, she sent me to the hospital next door to get nebulised and possibly admitted, as she said she thought I might be too weak to fight both my asthma and the infection.

The doctor on duty at the hospital disagreed and sent me home.

I did everything I was told! I really did! But come the early hours of Sunday morning my stomach began to churn. This is unusual for me; I have a strong stomach and can eat almost anything. I ignored the pain and the gurgles, but by 4am I was worshiping at the porcelain. I vomited for the first time in years! It was brown, liquid yuckyness that burned my tender oesophagus and sent my asthma into snarling monster mode.

I could not even drink; I could take nothing to make myself better.

My stomach got worse; the pain was blinding white agony. I honestly thought I had ruptured something. After my stomach emptied itself I started bringing up something else, phlegm, lots of it, green and horrible. How long it had been sitting in my stomach I don’t know, but it clearly wanted rid of it now. I guess it might have been 3 months worth of chest infection I was now paying for.

By 11am an ambulance was on the way as I was nearly fainting from dehydration and could hardly breathe.

To hospital I went, where the same doctor who had send me home poked and prodded my very tender stomach and declared that I finally needed admitting. If I had not been whimpering in pain I would have given him some choice words from my wide ranging insult vocabulary. Instead I just gritted my teeth and tried not to act like a wounded animal. But that was exactly what I felt like; I wanted to find a nice dark hole and hide! The instinct was really strong! I did not want people touching me; I even flinched away from my husband trying to comfort me.

So 12 hours and 2 bags of saline later I was finally rehydrated and feeling slightly better. Now the catering in hospital is weird, it’s contracted out to private companies. You order what you want last thing at night and it gets served to you during the day. The nurses have nothing to do with it. So imagine my reaction when I had just managed to swallow half a bowl of thin soup, then large bowl of pink “fluffy jelly” was put before me. It was what the person in the room before me had ordered and as orders were only taken in the morning it was what I was given too. I nearly spewed all over it. My husband tasted it and he was nearly sick too! It was awful!

But the final indignity was yet to come. As I was effectively tied to my bed by the drip line I could only go a metre in every direction from my bed. That meant I had to use a commode when I needed the toilet. Apparently the nurses needed to measure what came out of me, as well as what they put into me. Embarrassed and cursing my fate I finally got some sleep, but not before having an injection for nausea and being told that if my temperature did not come down then I would be given paracetamol in pessary form! Too tired to care I curled up into a ball of misery.

I did improve and yesterday I was taken off my drip and today I was sent home, but not before having a cooked chicken dinner shoved under my nose, complete with brussle sprouts- the veg of the devil. HONESTLY NHS SORT OUT THE BLOODY FOOD! If I had eaten half of what I was offered I’d still be in hospital! So I am back at home.

There was one up side to all this, I could not sleep last night so started writing. I finished the Rin arc of resil. *pats self on back.*          

However, there was one class I always thought I was letting down. The foundation section of my s4. This group of kids chose my subject cos they all thought it would be learning countries off a map, therefore easy.  It is not, maps is a part of it and we do study individual countries... but we also cover rivers, glaciation, weather, trade and aid, population, farming... the list goes on. These children had also never met me when they decided to choose their subject, therefore did not know my expectations, which are high.

So term started last year and it was almost instant rebellion. They did not like me, did not what to learn what I was teaching and in general hated everything about school and did not see why they should be in class.

Me, teacher fresh out of training was used to dealing with Glasgow hardmen and women, so I treated them the same. Came down hard on them. I had a rethink 2 weeks in when I realised some of them could hardly read or write. Then I realised that four of them had ADHD and one was autistic. I drastically simplified my lessons, which made them bring for me and probably boring for them. I also eased up on them a bit discipline wise, I’ve never been strict and it was wrong of me to go against my character. This continued for 2 terms, I hated taking them but they seemed to warm up to me after a few months, no swearing at me anymore. I realised my insisting on not shouting and always being polite was staring to rub off on them. But things were still far from good, hardly anything productive got done and my constant appeals to my bosses for more help and better resources for slow learners fell on deaf ears. So I had to manage.

This year something did change. I had 6 of them taken off my hands and put into a special program for those who had learning difficulties. They would be taught by someone who had training in ADHD and autism and in a small group it is almost like individual tuition for them. So they were happy and I was happy. The ones I was left with were the slightly higher ability children. I had never had the time to properly teach these children, I had been too busy dealing with fights, name calling and things being broken. These children had done practically nothing productive for a year.

After taking a week to think about it I set up project “Get the buggers working!” I completely reorganised my classroom, and managed to find some better text books(I practically had to whore myself to get them but get them I did). I sat them all on one big table... then apologised for the crap experience they had had with me so far and if they would work with me we could make things so much better. I think I shocked them; they were totally silent for the first 20 minutes of the period while I chatted about population and 3^rd world countries. I then started a debate... it worked! There were no daft answers like “I think people in developing countries should eat each other.” No nonsense at all! In fact they did not know why people in some African countries were starving, why didn’t they move?  After the debate we did 5 core questions together based on our discussion. It was the most work they had ever done; in fact some did a bit extra. I nearly fainted!

I was on a cloud of happiness for the rest of the day, I had actually taught a proper lesson to my most problematic class. I have no doubt they will try to slip back into old habits and I have no doubt I have plenty of bashing my head against a brick wall to come... the point is now I know it is possible I will not give up until they all have at least a chance of passing their exam, that is after all what I am paid for.

So a good day was had... then I went to the doctor. This one knew what she was actually doing. She told me I had had a chest infection that had not cleared up for nearly 3 months! No wonder I have felt like crap since I was in hospital. More antibiotics and finally a referral to a specialist. Even better day! Went home and fell asleep on the sofa... I was exhausted.      

I just wana say a HUGE thank you to everyone for all the e-cards PMs and Emails. I had a good day despite November trying to kill me... My work load is phenomenal! So no resilience chap yet... However, I have invested my birthday money in speech recognition software for Zero. With a little training I will be reading my chaps into word and saving myself hours of slow, painful typing up.

I tried this sort of thing when I was at university, but most of what came out of it was gibberish, but speech recognition software has come on in leaps and bounds in the last few years. I’m looking forward to playing with it when it arrives in a few days.

Ok so many people have wanted to know about birthday goodies. I did well this year, seeing as I am only 29 and it isn’t a big birthday. (Wait till I am 30!)

Ok first was a strange shaped package from my mother and father in law

It turned out to be this....

Isn’t it cute! It’s a pyjama case but it currently holds my medication (so my bedside table does not look like a pharmacy anymore.)

Next was from my brother...

Yes it is a vibrating massager (ahem!) Which I think says more about my brother than it does about me! So yes the “love bug” now sits on my windowsill and leers at me suggestively.

Dimac sent yummy bath stuff from LUSH! And Vampire knight volume 3 (U wait till u see what u got for Christmas Dimac, you’ll flip!)

Lastly was from my hubbie. It turned out to be a cappuccino maker (I have spoken before of my coffee addiction, I can go through 5 cups of filter coffee a day!) The machine is actually very noisy and took me 2 days to figure out how to use. But damn! Does it make good coffee! Also it has had the added benefit of cutting down my coffee intake, one cup of double espresso cappuccino is all I need.


 I got it right eventually!

So a good birthday all round ;-)

The long November is upon me again, so called in teaching circles as it is the only time of year with no bank holidays or other excuses for taking a Monday or Friday off. Just to shake things up, the powers that be have made this mock exam time this year.  So not only am I stressed, but the kids are stressed... I am so busy, home late almost every night. The pile of marking on my desk is ever increasing, and it will get worse in the next few weeks.

Had another bitch of a cold, which resulted in my sleeping on the sofa for 3 nights... so my own snot did not run down my throat as I slept and infect my ever so tender chest. Partially successful, but still have a bad cough.

However, (drum roll) despite having only 30 min at lunch times to put pen to paper... the latest Resil chapter is done! On paper that is. Now I have to type it up which prob won’t happen till the weekend.

This time of year depresses me. It’s dark when I get up, dark when I go to work and dark when I leave work.

This is counterbalanced by snuggling on the sofa with hubbie , cats and blanket and with the fire roaring up the chimney. Couple that with some real South American hot chocolate that has chilli in it... bliss.

Also on the up side, it is my birthday in 2 weeks. On the down side I have a parents meeting that night... *cries* 

rainstardragon

Comment and I will...

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

So I comented, and as promised here is that response.

1. I friended you because we'd been friends first over at fanfiction.net, and because you are an awesome person. I'm lucky to have gotten to know you... and you're a great friend indeed. *Blush*

2. Hehe... this is easy. Haku, Edward, teaching, great stories, the wonderful charm you sent me...

3. You tell it like it is... no matter what it is.

4. "A Miko!" *grins* that had to be one of the best things from your journal. I would have loved to have been there with you that day. (I had to read that entry again! LOL!)

5. It's a strange question, mostly because my desk has a mind and life of it's own... Do you manage to keep yours organized... and how??? o.O (My desk has gremalins that eat stuff... it is in a constant state of flux between chaos and total chaos.) 

6. This one!!!!  The killer hangover one! It's meee after trying to convince BlowingWind and Ryu to behave! *wonders if her memory of html is any good and if she has the right link* (My fav too)

7. In return, you must post this in your LJ. (DONE!)

Ok if anyone else wants me do do the same, comment and I will get round to ya.